Weddings!

So I've started on not one, but two wedding gown commissions this week. To say I'm excited is an understatement. They are both going to be gorgeous, lavish, elegant silk gowns, and I can't wait to start on them. I was down on Fabric Row yesterday with one bride, and I go back tomorrow with another.

I find it interesting-- and somewhat perplexing-- to find that I still have problems realisticly and fairly pricing my work. I make firm decisions in so many other areas, but when it comes to money, I turn into a total girl: oh, golly, how can I ask for money for this? I'm not, like, a professional or anything, this is just for fun; everyone's having money problems, I can't ask that much.... and so on and so on. Which is all absolutely, patently false and ridiculous. One gown is on a limited budget, the other seems quite liberal, and I'm so excited that I might finally get to just go nuts on a design and go wherever the fancy takes us. But still, I can't get over the stereotypical problems some women seem to have with money. And I despise that about myself.

I saw a Caroline Herrera gown this morning described as "reasonable" at $2,200.00. And that was neither custom-made nor one-of-a-kind. So I know I'm not out of line. But why can't I get my head 'round that? This is my job, and I'm already struggling to pay my bills. I do high-end, beautiful, custom work to live. Where the hell is this strange disconnect coming from?

Some things just get better.

During the time I'm to be in London, there IS an RSC production at The Courtyard Theatre in Stratford:

Romeo & Juliet.


Oh, G-d. A luxury of brainfood.



It's been a very, very mixed few days. There's so much I HAVE, but I seem to hit these points where all I can see is what I LACK. I make myself so angry sometimes, but I can't seem to stem this feeling of...loss and emptiness. It's not constant, thank G-d. Part of it is, of course, my estrangement from my family. There's also the vast, devouring uncertainty of the economy and its effect on my business. The nerve-wracking feeling that there's a big anvil PARF management is holding over the vendors. And there's some personal stuff that just continues to be painful. I'm trying to keep a lot of plates spinning in the air right now. And there's no time to take a break. Absolutely no time.

I was so looking forward to another wedding consult tomorrow, but alas, the bride is terribly ill. It gives me another day to work on stock, but I have no help this week, so I'm feeling some pressure. Thankfully, I bought ten busks this morning, so I can at least finish the corsets I have close to done. And on the way back from buying them, I stopped at a small boutique market. I knew it'd be overpriced, but I also knew it'd be organic. And it was-- organic and local. I spent too much, but I've been taking such horrible care of myself lately. It's not helping my mood. I MUST start eating better, sleeping better. Oh, yeah-- I haven't been sleeping much of late. I fall asleep in the wee hours, then snap awake in the morning. It's anxiety.

I'm going to sleep. Much to do tomorrow, even without the Fabric Row trip.

I might stop and kiss my RSC tickets on the way to bed. That does tend to help.