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ysobelleI took two corsets. I wore the one article of street clothing I've made myself in YEARS. I took a laptop full of photos. They had my resume. I was ready. I was stoked.
I was also well out of their price range.
They start people at literally half of what I'm making now. Half. I can barely afford my rent now-- even if they offered me this job, I'd starve. I want to scream. I want to beat my head against the floor. It seems like such a nice place, too.
I have to admit, I was struck with some pretty astonishing feelings when I walked into the costume shop. Fear, mostly. What happened to me at UMass and CMU left more scars than I'd imagined. I felt useless and overwhelmed in there, despite the fact that I know I can perfectly well do whatever I need to, even if some of my skilz are a bit less than mad.
She asked my salary requirements, and I said, "Well, I make X now."
There was an uncomfortable pause. "Um...well, I don't even make that much." It became an uncomfortable silence.
I finally just said, "I need to get out of where I am."
"I'll talk to the owner Monday. We'll see what he says."
Perhaps there's hope. I don't know. But I doubt it.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B0001YHUYO/qid=1114138559/sr=1-5/ref=sr_1_5/103-7671334-0435063?v=glance&s=electronics was delivered this morning. I feel mocked-- if I didn't like shiny things, it seems to say, I could take that job. No, I couldn't. Not with rent and car insurance and vet bills and food and....
I'm so discouraged.
I was also well out of their price range.
They start people at literally half of what I'm making now. Half. I can barely afford my rent now-- even if they offered me this job, I'd starve. I want to scream. I want to beat my head against the floor. It seems like such a nice place, too.
I have to admit, I was struck with some pretty astonishing feelings when I walked into the costume shop. Fear, mostly. What happened to me at UMass and CMU left more scars than I'd imagined. I felt useless and overwhelmed in there, despite the fact that I know I can perfectly well do whatever I need to, even if some of my skilz are a bit less than mad.
She asked my salary requirements, and I said, "Well, I make X now."
There was an uncomfortable pause. "Um...well, I don't even make that much." It became an uncomfortable silence.
I finally just said, "I need to get out of where I am."
"I'll talk to the owner Monday. We'll see what he says."
Perhaps there's hope. I don't know. But I doubt it.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B0001YHUYO/qid=1114138559/sr=1-5/ref=sr_1_5/103-7671334-0435063?v=glance&s=electronics was delivered this morning. I feel mocked-- if I didn't like shiny things, it seems to say, I could take that job. No, I couldn't. Not with rent and car insurance and vet bills and food and....
I'm so discouraged.
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Date: 2005-04-23 08:03 pm (UTC)I'm sorry, sweetie. I don't know what else to say.
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Date: 2005-04-23 08:15 pm (UTC)Don't get discouraged.
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Date: 2005-04-24 03:15 am (UTC)Can I just have a nervous breakdown?!
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Date: 2005-04-27 04:57 am (UTC)So sorry I had to go - the Victorian living extends to the cell service, apparently, in Cape May - the reception was horrid.
Sorry this didn't go as you'd hoped... but talking to them is a great start - you never know what might come of it! :)
Hang in there... and pllllllleeeease tell me you're still coming down this weekend! :)
Call ya tomorrow!