1am again.

[ysobelle]

Dammit. I can't make myself turn off the light. Last night was awful-- a great fitting with encouraging progress on the wedding dress, watched "Sky Captain And The World of Tomorrow," which I loved. The apartment was nominally clean-- by my standards. Sheets all freshly washed. And then I climb into bed...only to jump right back up again, nearly screaming in anger and fear, beating my fists against the walls. It's awful. I hate it. I hate being at the mercy of a fear that I can't call irrational, and I can't reason away. Fervent prayer helped a bit, but when G-d and I talk, I can't help but wish for a little more feedback. Maybe it was the night before's movie: "De-Lovely." Yes, it's a charming film, but it's so...grim. Framed in, and accented with, death and dying, it's probably not something I should watch often.

And in other news. Now I'm curled up in bed, Simon on one side, Clue on the other, Tekiah and Marble...somewhere. Five of us here. And I'm whining about being alone.

Christ. No wonder I can't sleep.

Comments

[emalia.livejournal.com]

you know what, they each love you in their own critter way.. and that is cool!!!!

[well-artesia.livejournal.com]

Fervent prayer helped a bit, but when G-d and I talk, I can't help but wish for a little more feedback.

Yeah. Me too.

Sorry, hon. You were spoken of very fondly last night, by the way - my fedora-ed house guest and I agreed that we both deeply adore you. ;) Wish you could drop by and share the giggles... but that's a hell of a commute to your work, eh?

BTW: There's nothing wrong with sleeping with the light on...

[42redmonkeys.livejournal.com]

I am totally terrified in the dark!!
I can never sleep alone!!!
I have night lights all over the house!
sometimes if I am just sooooo tired I cant possibly stay awake another second, It doesnt bother me, I've also gotten very dependant upon white noise.
have you tried these things?

[hennabee.livejournal.com]

I do this as well. If there's no one in the house, there must be noise somewhere or I start to see and hear things that I don't want to. I have left lights on until the sun came up on the weekends in order to keep from feeling like I'm not alone in my place.

TV keeps the monsters away. *nods* Phobias are included under the title of "monsters".

[smileitsme.livejournal.com]

I can relate to not wanting to be alone at night. I'm thankful I have Sleepy, but he'll be going away for 3 weeks in May, and I'm not looking forward to that!

As *well* stated: leave the light on. Maybe that will help.

(((((hugs to you honey)))))