All over the map.

[ysobelle]

I took a quick spin through Petfinder today. And last night and this afternoon, burst into tears. So honestly? I don't know where I am.

Most days, I'm just fine. I accept my loss, and I've come to terms with it. But I don't deal well with loss on the whole, and I still feel like somehow I failed, I did something one way when I could have done it another-- while all the time knowing, too, that that's life, and I did the best I could. Still, anything on TV-- even if I've seen it before-- that deals with someone or something dying, and I go to pieces. Shok posted that he had to say goodbye to the wonderful Pooch-A-Rilla, and I sobbed hysterically until, in my congested state, I nearly choked and threw up. It was a month on Saturday. I didn't realise it at the time. Just a month. I still see her, I still hear her.

I "sat" a while at her SL memorial last night. Strangely, that does seem to help. So do my other wretched animals. Simon sneezed on me yesterday and coated me in a fine spray of cat snot from my butt to my knee. Thanks for that. The dog heard the sewing machine seize up on me, and came over to put her head in my lap automatically. Even Tekiah seems to be experimenting with not being a flaming whore 97% of her life. She may be down to 56%.

We go on.

Comments

[freyas-fire.livejournal.com]

Just a thought, hon - I need to find homes for a few of my cats. A couple of them are only a year old or so. If you don't mind a cluttered, dirty house, you're more than welcome to stop by one night and visit with a few, see if one decides to adopt you. And it would make me feel better knowing that at least one of my furkids is going to someone I know I can trust to love and take care of them. Your dedication to Marbles proved that beyond a doubt. I have kitty pic albums up on Facebook, along with a note listing the ones that need permanent homes.
If not, that's ok too - but putting the thought out there. ::hugs::

[freyas-fire.livejournal.com]

Also, I've been where you are. It's normal, and it takes time. I grieved for Lugh every single day for well over a year. It still tears me up to look at his pic, and it's been over five years now. They're our kids, not "just an animal." And Lugh visited me quite a bit those first few months. I could feel him jump up on the bed and take his spot next to me. I think they stick around long enough to make sure we're going to be ok, then they go on to wherever they need to be in the great cosmos. Just go with it, and grieve whatever way you need to.

[curiouschilde.livejournal.com]

*HUGS* It does get better.

[ravenskye8.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Early l'shana tova... may your new year bring peace.