Hypocrisy.

[ysobelle]

I'm watching TLC, and they're having a series of shows on super morbidly obese people. A woman, a man, and a teenager: all around or over a thousand pounds. And each one, progressively, makes me want to scream. These people have all become completely housebound, bedbound, unable to walk, unable to take care of themselves. Which means someone's there with them, feeding them. Enabling them. Killing them.

The last show, of the 800-pound 19-year-old, features a kid whose mother lost her firstborn at 19 months. This is the child she had after his death, and she's obviously overcompensating. It's obvious she equates love with food, and the more she feeds her last child, the more she loves him. She showers him with everything she thinks he could possibly want, and more, obviously, is better. She rubs his feet. She cuts his hair. She brings him videogames and food and food and food. She calls him her baby boy, her best baby, and fluffs his pillows and adjusts his blankets. She has kept him a baby-- her lost infant forever. And she knows it. She does. But I want to slap her. I want to shake her. I want to force her, somehow, to open her blinded eyes and see that she's killing her baby. Oh and there's another mother with a 570 pound sixteen-year-old, berating him. Jesus Christ, who's feeding him? And look at you-- you're, what, tipping about 300 there, yourself?

The worst part? I'm in a battle with my own weight. I've finally, finally started to lose weight myself, but I have so much further to go. I hate the way I look in photographs. I hate the way I feel after walking half a block. I hate the beating my psyche takes when I go clothes shopping. I hate it all. And I've been working so very, very hard on this-- constantly. I didn't suddenly start losing weight-- I finally started, after literally decades of screwing up. And it's not a given I'll continue to do so-- it's always a battle.

They say we hate most in others what we hate most in ourselves. I hate what I see in myself as weakness. I am unforgiving and cruel to complete strangers. Needlessly. The subject of the first show this evening, the woman, died of a heart attack after her successful surgery, leaving two beautiful little girls behind. These are not flippant situations. These are not simple stories. The reasons we overeat or sabotage other people are complex, deep-seated, and horrible. It's not simple at all.

I only wish it was.

Comments

[radiofreerlyeh.livejournal.com]

Its every easy to project our own demons on others. It is human nature to always despise in other what we despise in ourselves. The people that are more anti-social, more geeky, more overweight, etc.
I am right there with you on the weight issue. I hunted for decades for a reason that get me to loose weight. What finally gave me the ability to do it is screwed up in its own right.

[tempest-gypsy.livejournal.com]

There's a reason I don't watch much TV. Shows like this, and those show about what it's like inside prison, and those "Ouch, that's gotta hurt" and "When stupid people get bit" shows. I find nothing redeeming, heart-lifting, or exciting in them. They just cheese me off and upset me. It's morbid, and not in the cool Goth "damn, I love purple velvet and black lace" way.
I'm trying to stay happy and calm and content because I make the world better when I am. Those shows don't help.
Go read Hamlet and have happy mental pictures.
Damn, that last sentence is all sorts of fucked up! My life, and yours, FTW!

[kylecassidy.livejournal.com]

i dont have tv, but i'd consider getting it if there's a show called "When stupid people get bit"


that sounds awesome.

[ladyleo.livejournal.com]

By no means simple, or easy. But worth it when we make our goal.

You have support. I am trying to lose the rest of the baby weight, and the extra I started with. If you want a partner in crime success, you have one :D

[ocin.livejournal.com]

Just keep on losing the weight. Oh and stop watching those shows - it's bad for your brain. Losing my weight was the best thing I ever did (other than ditching my ex). However, make sure you are losing the weight FOR YOU - not to find love, not to find acceptance, but to be healthy and happy in your own self. Trust me, now that I'm on the other side of the scale, I haven't found love, I've found people who wouldn't talk to me before now finding me acceptable (and I don't trust them for it), but I am healthier and happier in myself. Oh and the clothing shopping is so much easier.

[brihanon.livejournal.com]

I have lost the weight only to gain it back after I re-married. I am now trying to lose it again not because I want to look brtter( although that would be nice too, but to feel better. Carolyn Myse says that the best gift you can give the world is to be healthy yourself.

[relisabeth.livejournal.com]

I am slowly but surely losing the extra weight that I have carried around since I hit puberty (and I've made a lot of progress).

The thing that has helped me the most is to have food with me all of the time. I know -it's VERY counter-intuitive. But I carry granola bars (Kashi has some that are dark chocolate and cherry that I love, and Luna bars are awesome), and almonds, and low-moisture part skim cheese sticks and sometimes good ol' dark chocolate!. The granola bars help the sweet cravings, and the almonds and cheese the salt/fat cravings. Having those with me means that I have a healthy-ish snack to turn to when I'm suddenly hungry, rather than turning to whatever else is available.

Other than that, I started making sure that I had water with me at work. It's amazing how many times that I feel like eating something, and I drink some water and realise that I was thirsty, not hungry, but the signals were crossed.

I have faith in you -you are stronger than so many I know. You can and will be able to do this :)

[kylecassidy.livejournal.com]

you go grrl.