Let 'er rip, kids!

[ysobelle]

So the fabulous surlywench, one of the Doomiest MayFaire Moon Minions of Doom EVAR, posted her list of pet peeves concerning faire. I particularly loved this one, of course:


5. don't tell me the corsets I sell are any of the following:
a) overpriced
b) easily made at home for much less
c) not period
i will melt your face off, k thnks.


When confronted with this utter crap IN MY OWN BOOTH, I'm very polite.

"Oh, I could make this for about $40!"

"Yes, but how much do you charge for your time and expertise?"

"Oh...uh...well, I don't do this as a business."

"I do. Thank you. Enjoy the faire."

So. What would YOU say? Especially what would you say if you knew you'd never get in trouble for it. I mean, what have you aaaaaaalways wanted to really say to these people?

Comments

That's an easy one.

[ladylyonesse.livejournal.com]

in reply to any of the above: "Oh, could you (for that much, in less time, whatever the variable)? I'd love to see yours! Are you wearing it today? How many do you have? Gosh, if I could make my own for that I think I'd fill my closet with them."

[crystalsage.livejournal.com]

I have always responded to people who say stuff like that about my jewelry with "well, then maybe you better go make your own. Have a good day."

What I really want to say is usually something along the lines of "Then WHAT are you doing here as a Patron? Go home, make 100 of them, and sell them, asswipe. Stop wasting my time."

Yeah.

[freyas-fire.livejournal.com]

Basically what she said. If you can make what I make, more power to you, just put your money where your mouth is, instead of wandering around at an event telling everyone what you can supposedly do. And I better not catch you copying my work, because you will feel my wrath and the wrath of my lawyer when I sue your ass for copyright infringement. :)

[bronxelf-ag001.livejournal.com]

"Great! Can you make me another six by next Saturday? I'm running low on stock!"

Which I have said, actually.

I LOOOOOOOVEEE that comment!!

[da-geeks-witch.livejournal.com]

my only question.. is now why didn't I think of that comment?!?!? I got that from several people when trying to sell handmade jewlery... so I quite.. I just make it for gifts now.

and may have permission to borrow it.. the comment that is???

Re: I LOOOOOOOVEEE that comment!!

[bronxelf-ag001.livejournal.com]

Go right head. Knock yourself out.

[peacockharpy.livejournal.com]

It's not faire, but I am often confronted by people who say, "Oh, you're a copyeditor? Maybe you can help me proofread my book/article/newsletter!"

To which I always reply, "Certainly. My rates are $35 per hour."

(One woman, who knows my mother-in-law and has met me once, e-mailed me to ask me to help a student of hers with his scientific paper. For school. I don't do anyone's schoolwork either.)

After the $35/hour comment, the asker usually looks gobsmacked. And I explain: I do not have spare time. I have two children, a husband, a house to neglect, my own writing (which I barely get around to), and freelance work. If I edit or proofread, I GET PAID DAMMIT.

[blackbriar.livejournal.com]

Ditto. When I was in tech I got that all the time. Sure, maybe your kid's friend can do this job for cheaper. But not as well. Probably not at all. But by all means go for the cheap. Enjoy!

[mstarfire.livejournal.com]

Oh? Really?
How much would you pay for the fabric? How much for the boning? How much for the lining? How much for the eyelets/grommets? How much for (all the other bits and pieces that go into the garment)?

Now, How long do you think this would take for you to cut, pin, sew and finish? (Now in truth, double the expected time, because they don't do it all the time, so it will take them much longer - especially if there is a princess seam anywhere)

And how much do you currently make per hour at work?

That's how much it would actually cost you to make one of these.... Minimum.

Have a lovely time making yours.

Musical Interlude

[dansr.livejournal.com]

Things I would like to say but don't:

"Sure, I'd love to play The Devil Went Down to Georgia/FreeBird/Some other modern/non-ren faire tune and completely break the illusion that we the cast, boothies, and rennies have created for you. But first, why don't you and that tart/himbo have a bit more to drink. We like you that way, because fools and their money are so easily parted."

"I'm really tickled that you/your child has taken a single violin lesson in your/their lifetime, but that doesn't give you the right to touch my fucking strad!"

"Madam, the difference between the Renaissance and Modern times really breaks down to one thing: manners. I see you've a very expensive (enter item here). While I admire it, perhaps even covet it, notice I won't take my dirty hands and sully said expensive (enter item here). With that understanding, if your child tries touching my violin again I will remove their hands from their body in a manner most unpleasant. You see how polite that was? Good. Now train your fucking child not to touch other peoples things!"

"You, the one who's been watching me play for the past several minutes. Yes you, the one who commented how wonderful I am and how great I sound. Hi, yeah, let me explain something to you: This is how I make my living. This is my income. If you like what you hear then cough up the $15 and buy my CD. Can't afford the CD? Drop a buck in my hat (if it's a tipping faire). Just don't dick me around and then laugh about "performers" as you walk by me. This is What I Do. Have a little fucking respect."


(that's it for now.)

[celtic-blonde.livejournal.com]

Hmmmmm, hows about.."Piss off you mundane git?" :D

[eponas-pen.livejournal.com]

I'm with you here, simple is best: "Get the hell out of my booth, you ignorant toad."

[42redmonkeys.livejournal.com]

I wouldnt get thrown out? then I'd say - do you have any idea how fucking much I pay for this gawd damn booth a year? I pay enough that I shouldnt have to put up with idiots like you!

Also -

I am not a gawd damn babysitter. Please curb your kids or put them on a damn leash or something. PAY ATTENTION. I am a stranger. Do not hand me your 3 year old snotty kid with a urine soaked diaper and a pacifier in her mouth and walk away to get a beer. The sign says face painting, not DAY CARE!

oh and....

you stupid bastard...Im no more from Russia(or insert other location depending on theme of the show and costume.) than Mickey Mouse is a real giant talking mouse who wears clothes when you go to Disney Land. ITS A THEME PARK!! Go drink another fucking chewy beer and leave me alone!

[christianet.livejournal.com]

This theme has brought up a lot of old memories for me ... and reminded me of some things I would love to say ...

"Yes, drunk Barbie doll lady, perhaps you could do what I am doing, but your spastic flailings do not resemble anything that I am doing. I recommend a lot of lessons and far less alcohol, but neither will make up for the appalling lack of rhythm and musicality you display. Ah, I see you have shut up now that I have balanced my large pointy sword on my head and am dancing dangerously close to you. A wise decision on your part."

[hederaivy.livejournal.com]

remark:"that costume's not period"
reply: "neither are the flush toilets, but I don't hear you bitching about those, Ms. Birkenstock-wearing Garb Nazi."

[kay-brid.livejournal.com]

Amen to all the comments above. Ive heard alot of oh I can do that too in my stands.. Ugh its so annoying I could jsut rip their throats out! Espeically with the hemp jewelry that I do. Its simply macramé. And my prices arent expensive.. Not like the boring same as every one else crap that ya get at the beaches made by little kids for a penny a day.. Or ya hear well my (insert some person usually Grandmother here) use to do that when I was a kid.. Well then go raise your poor old DEAD grandmother and make her make ya one and get out of my stand bitch!.. Oh wait thats right we are living in a the tech world now who cares about handmade..lol ok Im done.