Thank G-d that's over.
Dec. 26th, 2007 12:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysobelleI really have no idea what happened today. My family Christmases have usually been about as emotionally fulfilling as a cardboard box, but they've never had this level of rancor and stress and anger. And I've never actually run out of the house and driven home before. There were no presents. There were no photos with the kids. Nothing. I left everything there and just took off.
I just hit my limit when everything broke open at breakfast-- well, brunch, really-- rolled downhill, and stopped with me. Somehow, it all became my fault. I wound up sobbing hysterically in my car.
Maybe it was going from working for myself to working long hours in an increasingly stressful environment. Stress about money. Stress about my life. Stress about age and love and death and alone-ness. Sympathy for Emily's family. Horror for Monica and Ian, jg's family. And the overwhelming feeling that no one in my family even remembers or would admit that anything stressful happened to upset me this week. And then on top of that, the anger that I even think I could rely on them for that, when that's just not the way they've ever been. It's just that there's no one else, so what options do I have?
But I have Clue on one knee, and Simon on the other. I came home, went straight to bed, and will do my best to sleep through as much of tomorrow as possible. I have no idea what I want. I just know it wasn't under any tree today.
I just hit my limit when everything broke open at breakfast-- well, brunch, really-- rolled downhill, and stopped with me. Somehow, it all became my fault. I wound up sobbing hysterically in my car.
Maybe it was going from working for myself to working long hours in an increasingly stressful environment. Stress about money. Stress about my life. Stress about age and love and death and alone-ness. Sympathy for Emily's family. Horror for Monica and Ian, jg's family. And the overwhelming feeling that no one in my family even remembers or would admit that anything stressful happened to upset me this week. And then on top of that, the anger that I even think I could rely on them for that, when that's just not the way they've ever been. It's just that there's no one else, so what options do I have?
But I have Clue on one knee, and Simon on the other. I came home, went straight to bed, and will do my best to sleep through as much of tomorrow as possible. I have no idea what I want. I just know it wasn't under any tree today.
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no subject
Date: 2007-12-26 07:16 am (UTC)I'm so sorry, hon. I hope it gets better.
I'm thinking next year you should run away from home...and spend the holiday with friends instead of family. Who knows, maybe even throw in a Taft show for good measure.
*more hugs*
no subject
Date: 2007-12-26 06:33 pm (UTC)But I'm thinking Taft next year, too. Sigh. Hugs back atcha.
no subject
Date: 2007-12-26 10:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-12-26 06:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-12-26 03:49 pm (UTC)Would you like to get out of the house and go see Sweeney Todd? Johnny Depp goodness, yum...... ;)
no subject
Date: 2007-12-26 06:34 pm (UTC)So if you live up here, btw, why are you applying to F&I in Baltimore???
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Date: 2007-12-26 06:43 pm (UTC)