Guidelines for sending me cr-- emails.

[ysobelle]

Dear Friend:

First, let me say that I really am grateful for the impulse that causes you to attempt to brighten my day through my email. Honestly, I think it’s sweet.

I thought, perhaps, it might be best if I sent you a few little guidelines, just so we’re all on the same page. I know you want to cheer me up, and I want to help you do that.

1. I Do Not Think Liberal Is a Dirty Word.

I’m a Liberal. Really, I’m okay with that. I vote Liberal, I think Liberal, I lean Liberal. Sending me emails and cartoons about "those Liberals screwing the country up" are probably not doing much in the whole day-brightening oeuvre you’re going for.


2. I Didn’t Vote For Bush, And I’m Still Not Too Happy With Him, Either.

This one should be pretty obvious to anyone who’s known me longer than three years. I don’t like the man. I’d be civil to him if he came over, and I’d probably offer him tea, but it’d probably be the Lipton’s. He’d better stay away from my Twinings Irish Breakfast.


3. #2 Does Not make Me Unpatriotic, and Implying That It Does Will Not Brighten My Day.

The quote by which I live? "To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public." (Former President Teddy Roosevelt, in one of his columns in the Kansas City Star, May 7, 1918)


4. Opposing The War Does Not mean I Spit On Servicepeople Each Morning.

I don’t beat the mail carrier when she brings me my electric bill, either. Dig?


5. I’m Not Too Keen On Jokes About How Dumb/Nasty/Wicked and/or Smelly Iraqis/Afghanis/Arabs Are.

Is it just me, or is it a little disingenuous to loudly declaim on one day that we must liberate these poor oppressed people, and on the other day make jokes about how they’re the lowest of the low, and not even fleas will rent space on them? I’m sure many Americans aren’t high on many Middle Easterners’ lists right now. You know what? Suck it up and take it like an adult. Not everyone likes us. Life goes on. Doesn’t mean I have to regress to grade-school gross-out humour. I may not appreciate Algebra, Geometry, and Astronomy, but those folks were using it while we were still living in reed huts. (http://archive.salon.com/books/feature/2002/01/08/alphabet/index.html)


6. Being An Outspoken Liberal Does Not Make Me A Shrill, Pencil-Necked Moron.

Or, put another way, disagreeing with you doesn’t make me dumb.


7. A Little Research Goes A Long, Long Way.

Wouldn’t it be great if every fwd were a shining example of research and truth? No, I don’t live on that planet, either. http://www.snopes.com is your first line of defense for just about every fwd you get. Please, for the love of Bob, fact-check before you fwd. Or I’ll do it for you and fwd the results back to everyone on your cc list. Don’t make me do it, man.


8. Religion is Cool!

I think that about covers what you're trying to say, right? So how about we just assume it's been said, and leave the details alone. I won't tell you about my sex life, you don't tell me about your relationship with G-d, and all our deepest, most personal business will, happily, remain personal. I'll thank you, and probably all our Jewish, Hindu, Muslim, Buddhist and Pagan friends will, too. Yay!


So I hope these little points have enlightened you on my point of view. I certainly hope, also, that nothing I’ve said offended you—I really just wanted to brighten your day!

Thanks,


Nikki

Comments

[hemitheos.livejournal.com]

A simple happy birthday would have suficed but thank you anyway.

[ysobelle.livejournal.com]

Hey, you already got yours. Where was mine?

[hemitheos.livejournal.com]

My grandmother got yours. I was on a budget and was only allotted one per day. Since you both have the same birthday, she got yours. Since it's too late now, how about I give you two next year? If that doesn't work, I know of a small mexican child that owes me a favor.

And if that doesn't work we may have to consult Miss Cleo.

[ysobelle.livejournal.com]

So my birthday sucked this year, but your grandmother's rocked.

Sigh.


Story of my life.

[darthvenereal.livejournal.com]

i used to have a friend that like to mass email conservative dribble to people, after a few debates, i just put him on the delete from server flter.

[ysobelle.livejournal.com]

Don't you wish your entire life were that easy? Damn.

[caitriona27.livejournal.com]

Have I told you recently I love you?

I'd like to add one to that - I'm not happy with having your religion shoved down my throat. Please do not send me "thanks be to g-d" emails. I do not appreciate them. I would like to respond back "Goddess Bless" just to be a pain in your arse. I have my own beliefs thank you, I do not need yours. I do not push my thoughts on religion on you by an email, please do not do the same to me. Do not speak to me of your
G-d, you may not like my response.

(and this isn't directed at you, baby, just venting)

[ysobelle.livejournal.com]

Oooh, yeah. I may have to add that one.

[hederaivy.livejournal.com]

That is absolutely brilliant.
My fiance is here asking me to post it onto our family mailing list.

May I?

[ysobelle.livejournal.com]

By all means! I only ask that you give me credit. And if you wait a few, I'm going to add one.

*sulk*

[hederaivy.livejournal.com]

Wait! You're not going to tell us about your sex life?

Dang.

[moniqueleigh]

OMG. This is great!!! Saw it in hederaivy's LJ, & wanted to thank the author. :) Can I link to it in mine?

[ysobelle.livejournal.com]

Absolutely! I'd be delighted if you did.

As I said, it's subject to change, so check back. It all depends on the glorious missives I discover in my in-box on any given day.