The grand confusion....
May. 5th, 2004 09:08 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysobelleIt's been a week where the only thing you can do is look at the stars and ponder, as no answers are forthcoming from down here. I've set my feet on a path which will, more likely than not, take me as low as I've ever been, though it's also taken me to a height I've never seen before.
I also saw things from that height in a world-shifting perspective. I've had a few rumours confirmed-- and discovered where I stand on an age-old debate. I've also discovered that it's possible to be extraordinarily successful the first time you try something. I shall be wickedly grinning about that for a while.
The low will come. I've already spied it from the path, felt the change in pressure in my ears. I knew from the beginning this would be the way, all hopes to the contrary notwithstanding. But I've learned so much about myself in this last year or so. I got swept up in something I didn't understand and couldn't handle, and the rage and confusion were out of control. I know I'm setting myself up for more rage and sorrow, but the point is that I know. I know, I'm waiting for it. I have a place reserved by the door. I'd prefer not to have to use it, but you can't get everything in life, right?
Yesterday at work was my co-worker Loretta's birthday. Oh, the buzz! "We have to get her cupcakes! Oh, it's been a while since it was anyone's birthday around here!" Silly to admit it, but I was crushed. It's not like there are swarms of us there. Everyone else's birthday is met with chocolate and cheer-- mine was forgotten. Repeatedly. How many times did I hear, "Ohmigod, your birthday? When?" As no one had said anything before about Loretta's birthday-- she works one day a week, at most-- once every other week, sometimes-- I went out on break and bought her the sunniest bouquet I could find.
Never mind, though. I still got one of the best presents ever. And being petty is beneath me.
I also saw things from that height in a world-shifting perspective. I've had a few rumours confirmed-- and discovered where I stand on an age-old debate. I've also discovered that it's possible to be extraordinarily successful the first time you try something. I shall be wickedly grinning about that for a while.
The low will come. I've already spied it from the path, felt the change in pressure in my ears. I knew from the beginning this would be the way, all hopes to the contrary notwithstanding. But I've learned so much about myself in this last year or so. I got swept up in something I didn't understand and couldn't handle, and the rage and confusion were out of control. I know I'm setting myself up for more rage and sorrow, but the point is that I know. I know, I'm waiting for it. I have a place reserved by the door. I'd prefer not to have to use it, but you can't get everything in life, right?
Yesterday at work was my co-worker Loretta's birthday. Oh, the buzz! "We have to get her cupcakes! Oh, it's been a while since it was anyone's birthday around here!" Silly to admit it, but I was crushed. It's not like there are swarms of us there. Everyone else's birthday is met with chocolate and cheer-- mine was forgotten. Repeatedly. How many times did I hear, "Ohmigod, your birthday? When?" As no one had said anything before about Loretta's birthday-- she works one day a week, at most-- once every other week, sometimes-- I went out on break and bought her the sunniest bouquet I could find.
Never mind, though. I still got one of the best presents ever. And being petty is beneath me.