Stop me if you've heard this one before.

[ysobelle]

Wanna hear something funny? I'm a Jewish Goth (and no, that's not the funny part) who's unsure how to grieve.

Except for Kayli, whom I mourned long and deep, I've never felt I had the right to grieve a death quite fully. Every loss I've ever suffered, even the death of my relationships, I've felt there were some mitigating circumstances that made it improper for me to truly grieve: someone else always had it worse, someone else knew the deceased better, whatever I'd done was at least partly my own stupid fault and I'd just been an idiot about the wrong guy in the first place.

So now, here we are, and it's my friend who's dead. I knew Leah. I loved her. I hung out with her. I bickered with her, commiserated with her, kvetched with her, costumed with her, ate sushi with her, laughed with her, and a few times just mourned with her. And I'm absolutely dreading Friday because I just don't know what to do with myself. My safety net, in a way, has always been that I couldn't cry the way everyone else did because I wasn't as affected as everyone else. Well, now I am, and I just don't know what to do. People have been asking me, "Are you okay?" and I just don't know how to answer. I keep thinking, in some part of my brain, "Why are you asking me? This isn't about me. Ask the boys, ask Brian, ask Rho." But I do miss Leah, and I did love her. "I love you" were, thank G-d, among the last words I said said to her, as I brushed back her hair and smiled at her on her deathbed.


I thnk I'm actually scared.

Comments

[surlywench.livejournal.com]

I'm not going to ask you if you're okay. You've lost a loved one, so no, you're not going to be 'okay'. And you're allowed to not be okay, if that makes sense.
and i'm here for you if you need ANYTHING, you got me? if it's an ear or a shoulder or just knowing that I'm silently beside you, lending you strength the whole way thru this, whatever, you name it, I'm here.
That's me, right here, for you. I say it in jest a lot, I know, but I mean it even then ;)
so much love for you, honey. *so* much love.
-me

[mirroreyes.livejournal.com]

Its allowed honey, and we are all going to understand when you need shoulders. We worry about you because we KNOW its going to upset you because she is your friend. We're here for you because we CAN be here for you. Personally, I cant be there for the boys, and I never see Rho... but I am here for you.
The tears will come darling, that I have no fear of. And you will be able to greive, again, I have no fear of that. and when you do, you'll have friends grieving with you, holding your hands, hugging... all the things that friends in grief do.
Hang in there honey. I'll see you tonight.

[skiafoxmorgan.livejournal.com]

I don't have words for you. Go. Be with friends. Love them. Remember the love you have inside you, the love she had inside her. However you grieve or mourn--there is no script for it. Some people laugh and tell stories. My father's funeral was an exercise, at least to me, in hilarity. Some people faint or cry or collapse. When Ian died, I couldn't stand or breathe or speak or explain why I couldn't do any of those things.

Grief is normal, however you express it.

The thing you most want to do, which is possibly easier to discern, is honor Leah. What would she have you do? How would she have you live?

[celtic-blonde.livejournal.com]

Yso,
just be yourself, take time to grieve. You have lost a loved one and need time.

Many {Hugs}

[littleharp3.livejournal.com]

What the other women here have said...

There isn't a script for mourning, or for greiving. When Keiran died, I was FINE until I went to the memorial. Sure, I cried in the hospital when they removed him from life support, but there was a healing in it. It didnt FULLY hit me till I went to the memorial and was asked to stand and say some words, being his goddess mom.

When my grandfather died, I cried like a baby for about a day, and was done. It wont fully hit me again till I finally make it up to his grave to pay my respects, and I anticipate that. But there will be a healing in that too.

EVERY death is different, and there for every way you're going to grieve and mourn will flux as well.


If someone asks you if you're okay. Saying I dont know is a perfectly acceptable answer. ANY answer is.

Just have faith that whatever response you have, to ANY of it, is the response you should have for you to honor her, to honor your friendship with her, and to honor yourself and her family. It might simply be silence, it might be tears, it might very well be anger, confusion, fear, resentment, or it could be any combination of it all.

When it's time for YOU to grieve, you will do so and you'll know it to be time. The manner with which you do it will be the most appropriate. Dont be scared of it, embrace it and allow it to come when it's ready.

If you need anything, I'm almost always online. Or email, or anything sweetheart. And (((HUGS)))

with much love

[foxglove-8778.livejournal.com]

Nik, it is known that death as a concept bugs you and knowing you've lost a close friend with the strength of personality of Leah causes concern.

sometimes "are you okay?" really means "I am worried about some aspect of your body language and I want you to know I am worried and that I have just offered you my support."

It is not improper to grieve the loss, just as there is nothing improper in celebrating the life of a dear one. It is okay to be scared, it is okay to be brave...

It is okay to be yourself.

[caitriona27.livejournal.com]

I also do not know how to grieve. But I have relized it's a process that happens on it's own, much like death itself. I deal with death better then most, it's a fact of life and as much as I will miss Leah immensely, I know for us life must go on and that she will never be gone as long as she remains in our hearts and our memories.

Don't ask me how I'm doing as I do not have an answer other than I'm here and I'm dealing.Is there any other option? No? Ok then.

[smileitsme.livejournal.com]

Being scared means your human.

I'm thinking of you right now & all the folks that are with you, paying respects to Leah's family.

I hope you can feel the hug I'm giving you.