Sigh.

[ysobelle]

It's 5am. The dog is eating, the cats are lazing, and I'm thoughtful.

Santa, have I been good this year?


The last week I've had two songs in my head almost unstoppably. Both by Indigo Girls. Both by Emily. The first is "Deconstruction." I think, perhaps, just because it's pretty and mournful. The second, probably, for those reasons, too, but also...I don't know. I don't know where I am, though this is certainly where I've been. I can't pinpoint my current spot, and I can't see where I'm going. But I do know it helps, sometimes, when someone else can say what I can't.


Hope Alone

let's not drag this out
everything's in motion
though i've only ever loved you kind
and with devotion
i remember when i met you
and even from the start
i thought one day you'd probably just come home
and break my heart

it's funny what you know
and still go on pretending
with no good evidence
you'll ever see that happy ending

you
looking for your distance
and sensing my resistance
you had to do your will

i
had to learn the hard way
we were just an empty dream too big
for hope alone to fill

i know i'm a dreamer
(i know that i'm a)
so i'll give you that
(dreamer)
still i hope i'm more than just a place
(still i hope i'm more)
you laid your hat
(than a place you laid your hat)
you're a land of secrets
(you are its only)
its only citizen
(citizen)
and though i paid my dues
(though i paid)
i was never allowed in
(i was never allowed in)
and so i am a stranger
(so i am a stranger)
especially today
(especially today)
as i get sad and lonely
and you get your way

you
were looking for your distance
and sensing my resistance
you had to do your will

i
i had to learn the hard way
that we were just an empty dream too big
for hope alone to fill

holding on for change i know
we never stood a chance
(no we never stood a chance)
so i could only wait
and watch you slip right through my hands
(watch you slip right through my hands)

you
were always looking for your distance
and sensing my resistance
you had to do your will

i
i had to learn the hard way
we were just an empty dream too big
for hope alone to fill

Comments

[imafon.livejournal.com]

Sweetheart, what a very sad song.

I do love you though, hope it helps.

BTW: Do you know anyone who would buy a big-mouthed 10 year old?