Trust issues.

[ysobelle]

I got kicked in the heart by a dream the other night. Now there's a succession of sucky thoughts in my head tonight, the suckiest of which is this:

Someone said to me, "So-and-so trusts you; that's good enough for me." And now I'm thinking: how fragile is trust? How easy is it to go from completely secure and safe to looking at free-fall through a piece of plastic wrap?

It happens to me all the time. I relax, I open up, I confide, and I turn around and realise all those things I thought I left in a human safe-deposit box have no key between them and the world but someone else's honour. You can't take some things back. You can't unwhisper secrets. You can't unhave conversations.

Someone else said to me a while ago, "You talk all the time. You never keep secrets!" Which was horrific to me, and so very untrue. And, of course, almost impossible to disprove. All I could say was, "I talk about the things everyone talks about. There are many, many things I know that you never will." You don't keep secrets by telling people you hold them. You keep them by letting the world think they don't exist.

I just wish mine had never gone out the door in the first place.

Comments

[mirroreyes.livejournal.com]

oh honey...

sorry to hear all the turmoil.

I love you!

[radiofreerlyeh.livejournal.com]

In the case you mentioned, you do have to consider the relation being invoked (as I think I might have been the one to say it to you). Trust is always a double edge sword. Sometimes its cuts you, but sometimes it cuts for you, cleaving through BS.
Distrust though, cuts you all the time, too much fear goes with it. The world is not a sane place, there are few black and white choices. The paths we walk are always in shadow. You just to win more than you lose, but not playing is the same as losing.

[surlywench.livejournal.com]

uhm, Nik? *You're* the person I tell when I have to say it to *someone* but don't want the entire free world finding out. You keep secrets better than the Vatican Library Vaults.

and yeah, trust is fragile, that's the whole point. like love or any other *big* emotion. it can be stronger than platinum or shattered like glass.

luv you.
me

[sheraqaw.livejournal.com]

Trust is so dearly fragile, like gossamer. It take a long time to develop and can be gone in an instant. And then you may never get it back again if you even wanted to. I believe trust, like respect is something that is earned and becomes a bond between people. Like links in a chain, even if you repair the chain, the welded place will always be there. It may be an unsightly scar or maybe the strongest or weakest point in the chain, depending on the people in question.
If you truly care about someone, the trust part comes with it, unspokenly.