Not a position in which I often find myself.

I took two corsets. I wore the one article of street clothing I've made myself in YEARS. I took a laptop full of photos. They had my resume. I was ready. I was stoked.

I was also well out of their price range.

They start people at literally half of what I'm making now. Half. I can barely afford my rent now-- even if they offered me this job, I'd starve. I want to scream. I want to beat my head against the floor. It seems like such a nice place, too.

I have to admit, I was struck with some pretty astonishing feelings when I walked into the costume shop. Fear, mostly. What happened to me at UMass and CMU left more scars than I'd imagined. I felt useless and overwhelmed in there, despite the fact that I know I can perfectly well do whatever I need to, even if some of my skilz are a bit less than mad.

She asked my salary requirements, and I said, "Well, I make X now."

There was an uncomfortable pause. "Um...well, I don't even make that much." It became an uncomfortable silence.

I finally just said, "I need to get out of where I am."

"I'll talk to the owner Monday. We'll see what he says."

Perhaps there's hope. I don't know. But I doubt it.


http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B0001YHUYO/qid=1114138559/sr=1-5/ref=sr_1_5/103-7671334-0435063?v=glance&s=electronics was delivered this morning. I feel mocked-- if I didn't like shiny things, it seems to say, I could take that job. No, I couldn't. Not with rent and car insurance and vet bills and food and....

I'm so discouraged.

Anyway.

I think I'm going to Georgia for Invasion. Dammit. Anyone else?