Weird. Odd.

[ysobelle]

I should be sleeping already. But I'm not.

Monday, I got the results of my blood tests back. Happily, they were all quite normal. Even better, my cholesterol, which I'd feared would be as bad as everyone else's in my family, was borderline not-bad. I was also told my triglycerides were quite good, which I'm sure will be a great ice-breaker at parties.

The main topic of conversation, however, was what to do if I want to become pregnant. No, not now, when I'm unattached and financially unstable. But due to some mysterious irregularities we haven't yet been able to pin down, I was told that I will have to see a fertility specialist when I reach that point in my life.

I don't know how I feel about that. I'm not stupid. I know my time is getting short. I just don't know how I feel about the possibility that it may be shorter even than I'd guessed, or that there's a chance it's already run out.

I'm a bit at sea about it. I keep tumbling questions in my head: what will I do? What can I do? What have I done? Even worse, what have I not done? What have I missed? And will it ever be time?

Hm. There are some thoughts to try to sleep on.

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*hugs*