![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysobelleAm I ever going to be that creative? Am I ever going to be that free? Am I ever going to be that happy?
I don't want to set the bar that high for myself. High, but not unattainable. I feel like I'm not quite a part of either world, the artists or the non-. It's been a theme the last few weeks, this not-quite-fitting-in. I didn't fit in in grade school. I didn't fit in in college. I didn't fit in on circuit, though no one really did in those two last, which is what made us fit in. But I was always caught between the mainstream and the bohemian. I'm still there. I don't say this like it's a bad thing, I suppose, but I do always feel like I'm only halfway in anywhere. Like I'm a shadow. Like I'm a pretender.
In a way, though, it's a gift, to be able to look at anything from the outside, yet still walk around on the inside. As far as gifts go, it's not as useful as a crockpot. Or even a pair of mittens. But still, I should learn to embrace it.
I don't want to set the bar that high for myself. High, but not unattainable. I feel like I'm not quite a part of either world, the artists or the non-. It's been a theme the last few weeks, this not-quite-fitting-in. I didn't fit in in grade school. I didn't fit in in college. I didn't fit in on circuit, though no one really did in those two last, which is what made us fit in. But I was always caught between the mainstream and the bohemian. I'm still there. I don't say this like it's a bad thing, I suppose, but I do always feel like I'm only halfway in anywhere. Like I'm a shadow. Like I'm a pretender.
In a way, though, it's a gift, to be able to look at anything from the outside, yet still walk around on the inside. As far as gifts go, it's not as useful as a crockpot. Or even a pair of mittens. But still, I should learn to embrace it.