What on earth am I doing?

[ysobelle]

I'm getting rather attached to this man. That, I think, more than anything else, is the core of the scary parts. But I think the more I know him, the more I respect and appreciate him. He does have a staggering ego, but he also knows how to deflate it. We are, I fear, quite similar in that. We like many of the same things. We think similarly about many issues. He's fun. And the conversation last night got quite salacious-- I even blushed, which I never do. But we attempted to lay out some ground rules for next week. The lines are mine to draw.

So I'm now counting the days til Friday, not Christmas. And I'll have a choice to make. Not between what I want to do and what I don't, but what's going to cause me the least amount of pain and the most. I've done long-distance relationships. Even when both parties are equally committed-- which is something I've never managed-- it's bewilderingly difficult. Especially when one...well, both parties have careers for which they themselves are deeply responsible and to which both parties are to-the-bone committed.

Having him visit will be quite jolly fun. But it's a doorway. And I don't know what's on the other side.