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ysobelleI am a very foolish person. I freely admit that. It's unbelievably hard for me to even conceive of giving the least shred of power over my emotions and my thoughts to anyone else.
I'm rewatching Series Two of Who. I'll freely admit that David Tennant makes me squee, but the thought of actually having a crush on him? I would rather set fire to my hair and defenestrate myself. Not to say I haven't had crushes before. Oh, I have. My school life from fourth grade to college graduation was one long series of endless, long-term, pointless longings for young men with whom I never had the slightest shadow of a chance. There was Eric, and Jordan, and Dave, and Ray, and the debacle with Patrick, and then much darker, more convoluted relationships that were just as bad. I just don't do relationships well. I've had to take care of and defend myself for so long, I just don't know how to safely give of myself. All of those-- they were never even, so I never had to let go.
I don't like things that make me feel unsafe. I don't like to be afraid of me.
I'm rewatching Series Two of Who. I'll freely admit that David Tennant makes me squee, but the thought of actually having a crush on him? I would rather set fire to my hair and defenestrate myself. Not to say I haven't had crushes before. Oh, I have. My school life from fourth grade to college graduation was one long series of endless, long-term, pointless longings for young men with whom I never had the slightest shadow of a chance. There was Eric, and Jordan, and Dave, and Ray, and the debacle with Patrick, and then much darker, more convoluted relationships that were just as bad. I just don't do relationships well. I've had to take care of and defend myself for so long, I just don't know how to safely give of myself. All of those-- they were never even, so I never had to let go.
I don't like things that make me feel unsafe. I don't like to be afraid of me.