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ysobelleHad a long talk today about goals. It's weird-- I never thought of myself as actively ambitious. I mean, I've always been ambitious, I just never thought I was actually one to move on it all. I'm so used to being frustrated with myself.
But now I find myself getting bored and wanting to move forward on everything. Maybe bored isn't the right word. I just feel, okay, I think I've got this down, now what's next? I look back, and I realise I told everyone in London about my five-year plan, and I'm almost there in...two years? My business is tight at the moment, but moving ahead. It's not failing, at any rate. I want to move now towards really difficult, creative pieces. I want to turn up the burner a little.
And after that? I want to work more on my writing. A lot. I want to solidify my goal to one day get published. There's no reason on earth I can't do it one day-- except me. If I don't get moving, I won't get anywhere.
I'd love one day to get back into acting. I did a little in college-- okay, a lot, now I think on't-- but never thought much of myself, and never went anywhere with it. I was decent, I've been told. Nothing to set the house on fire. I don't want to do it to be famous. I want to do it cos it's fun. And cos theatre games make life easier on the whole. I'm an introvert, and that makes life difficult, sometimes. Also? I'll be honest-- I watch David Tennant in other roles and interviews and such and I think, Jesus Christ-- to attack life and acting and being human like that? Where does he get that energy? Is there anything he's not afraid to try? I've seen him do things with a grin and a leap that would make me blush and stammer, "Uh, no, thanks, I couldn't." And I'm fiercely jealous. I'm in awe. I don't like being timid.
So I suppose it's on the same trail that I'm thinking, "Why not do things you're afraid of? Like really move to the UK." It's no surprise, I'm sure, that I've been obsessing lately. I miss the feeling there. I miss the society, the scenery, the culture. I miss how free I felt. I even miss, in a way, how alone I was. Perhaps that's just part of the freedom. I'd come back for faire, or...I don't know. I'm just throwing ideas up in front of myself, seeing which ones I like. I really can work anywhere. I'm not married. The animals can come with me. I can survive anything. What if, what if, what if?
So much to think about. So much to do.
But now I find myself getting bored and wanting to move forward on everything. Maybe bored isn't the right word. I just feel, okay, I think I've got this down, now what's next? I look back, and I realise I told everyone in London about my five-year plan, and I'm almost there in...two years? My business is tight at the moment, but moving ahead. It's not failing, at any rate. I want to move now towards really difficult, creative pieces. I want to turn up the burner a little.
And after that? I want to work more on my writing. A lot. I want to solidify my goal to one day get published. There's no reason on earth I can't do it one day-- except me. If I don't get moving, I won't get anywhere.
I'd love one day to get back into acting. I did a little in college-- okay, a lot, now I think on't-- but never thought much of myself, and never went anywhere with it. I was decent, I've been told. Nothing to set the house on fire. I don't want to do it to be famous. I want to do it cos it's fun. And cos theatre games make life easier on the whole. I'm an introvert, and that makes life difficult, sometimes. Also? I'll be honest-- I watch David Tennant in other roles and interviews and such and I think, Jesus Christ-- to attack life and acting and being human like that? Where does he get that energy? Is there anything he's not afraid to try? I've seen him do things with a grin and a leap that would make me blush and stammer, "Uh, no, thanks, I couldn't." And I'm fiercely jealous. I'm in awe. I don't like being timid.
So I suppose it's on the same trail that I'm thinking, "Why not do things you're afraid of? Like really move to the UK." It's no surprise, I'm sure, that I've been obsessing lately. I miss the feeling there. I miss the society, the scenery, the culture. I miss how free I felt. I even miss, in a way, how alone I was. Perhaps that's just part of the freedom. I'd come back for faire, or...I don't know. I'm just throwing ideas up in front of myself, seeing which ones I like. I really can work anywhere. I'm not married. The animals can come with me. I can survive anything. What if, what if, what if?
So much to think about. So much to do.
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Date: 2008-07-10 12:36 pm (UTC)Why not do things you are afraid of? Well, that depends on the things, really, but I don't see bungee jumping or recreational parachuting on the list. Give yourself a kick in the pants lady! You can do more!
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Date: 2008-07-10 07:30 pm (UTC)What if I did move to Scotland? What if I did give myself another year in the UK? What if...?