![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ysobelleI've been going over my novel the last few days. I probably have, oh, five or six chapters of it written, and an outline. Maybe a quarter of the work I want to do on it. I need to flesh out the outline more, I need to attach some bits to others, and, above all, I need to clarify the whole mess in my mind.
The thing is, I have this horrible feeling that if I really start poking it with a stick, it's going to reach up and swallow me whole. I want to do so much with it, but where the hell do I find the time? And deeper still in my brain, I keep thinking, "Is it worth it? Is it good enough?"
I know I can write. I know I can write better than a good portion of the drivel that's out there. I've read some novels and not only snorted, "I could do better!" but known without a shadow of doubt that that's true. There are a few things in this world I'm good at, and this is one of them. But I know I have parts in there that I slacked off on, that aren't up to what I can really do. And I worry I'm too close now, and I can't be objective any more. Letting it out to other people will, I think, make me more determined to push forward with it. But I feel like I want to work more before I show it about, and I can't tell if that's a genuine desire, or merely fear.
There's a story-- Asimov?-- about a moon base with a lake of toxic chemicals. The people in the base send out a robot to get some of the chemicals, because without them, they will die. The robot knows if it goes into the lake, it will malfunction, and thus they will die anyway. So it goes back and forth, back and forth on the shore, unable to choose a path. I swear, that's my life!
The thing is, I have this horrible feeling that if I really start poking it with a stick, it's going to reach up and swallow me whole. I want to do so much with it, but where the hell do I find the time? And deeper still in my brain, I keep thinking, "Is it worth it? Is it good enough?"
I know I can write. I know I can write better than a good portion of the drivel that's out there. I've read some novels and not only snorted, "I could do better!" but known without a shadow of doubt that that's true. There are a few things in this world I'm good at, and this is one of them. But I know I have parts in there that I slacked off on, that aren't up to what I can really do. And I worry I'm too close now, and I can't be objective any more. Letting it out to other people will, I think, make me more determined to push forward with it. But I feel like I want to work more before I show it about, and I can't tell if that's a genuine desire, or merely fear.
There's a story-- Asimov?-- about a moon base with a lake of toxic chemicals. The people in the base send out a robot to get some of the chemicals, because without them, they will die. The robot knows if it goes into the lake, it will malfunction, and thus they will die anyway. So it goes back and forth, back and forth on the shore, unable to choose a path. I swear, that's my life!