You know what I want for Christmas?

[ysobelle]

Again, my sister asked me today what I want for Christmas. I told her I have an Amazon wishlist. Anything from that would make me happy. And again she said, "I don't want to get you any of that. Isn't there something you need? Clothes?"

"No, really. I'm changing shape, so clothes won't work, and the only other things I get are for my business. So no."

"I don't want to get you books."

"But...why not?"

"There must be something you need. Gift cards for groceries of something?"

"Really, no."

Why would you ask someone what they want, and then tell them you don't want to get them what they want?

Okay. Fine. Fuck it. You know what I want? I want someone to care what I want. I want someone who'll spend time thinking about what to get me. I want someone who thinks about me, period. I want someone I can trust who won't turn on me or try to throw me in the fucking trash. I want someone who won't lie to me. I want someone to put his arms around me and be happy, and not wish I were someone else. I want someone who wants me. I want someone who likes me, and likes hanging out with me. I want someone who won't fucking cheat on me. I want someone I can depend on. Someone I can spend weeks trying to pick something perfect for, and who'll love it even if it's the wrong thing because he loves me and appreciates the effort. I want someone to hold onto me, not pat me on the back and say, well, I'm sorry, I'm really busy. We'll talk later.

I'm tired. I'm angry. And I'm tired of being angry.

And I fucking hate Christmas.

Comments

[johnbroadfoot.livejournal.com]

Schmooch! Does she NOT know you're Jewish?

[scarletwildfire.livejournal.com]

Amen!

[ysobelle.livejournal.com]

We actually celebrate Channuka religiously with prayers and lighting the menorah. We gather and exchange gifts on Christmas. Usually do brunch, too. Totally secular. It's usually even more fun now that there are small kids in the family. But over the last few years, part of me has just started to dread it. I love the giving part, and watching Sarah, who's now almost five. It's just...gah.

[amarynthus.livejournal.com]

I like you, and I like hanging out with you. So Merry Christmas!!

[pngwn.livejournal.com]

MWAH!

[eponas-pen.livejournal.com]

I just don't get it. My family does the same damn thing. They don't want to give me a gift card or gift cert. I, also, have an Amazon wishlist to which no one pays attention. I mean, even if they don't want to order it from Amazon, they could still look at it to find out what I want. My mother finally gave up and just started giving me money, which is nice, but probably even less meaningful since it takes her about 25 seconds to fill out the check. *sigh*