Maybe unexpected, maybe not.

[ysobelle]

I went to the memorial garden at faire last weekend, while everyone was working. I'd had a long talk with Rho on the drive up about Leah, and just vented, loud and long. The mood stayed with me when I got to site-- actually, it stayed with me all day, but that's beside the point-- so I decided to take a few minutes. I've always been of the opinion that you don't need to be in a specific place for someone to hear you, but that such places help focus you. So I slipped away up the hill for a few minutes. Winter and ground staff haven't been kind-- I picked up the birdbath, righted a cracked cherub, dusted off the sign in memoriam to David. Pulled a weed or two.

And then I sat down on the bench, kicking out a couple more weeds with my feet, and vented. I miss her. It's gotten worse the closer we get to faire, when I realise she isn't going to be there. I'm angry. I wish to G-d she'd fought harder. I worry about the boys. I worry about her brother. I miss her. I'd like to say the venting helped, but I'm not sure it did.

The memorial for her is going to be hard. Very hard.