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One way to lose weight.
Jun. 3rd, 2010 08:27 amI'm not really comfortable putting out my weakness for the world to see, but it's been suggested that I hold too much in. That may seem bizarre to anyone who's read my LJ for a long time, as if there's any whining to do, I do it here, but on the whole, I try to keep it in check.
This week? Not so much.
I have a situation with my booth, and I'm feeling threatened and cornered. I feel like...well, I suppose I feel like anyone would when they own the wood and the bolts and the nails, but not the land they sit on. I don't often feel like a woman in a man's world, but I do now. I've also tried to keep some other plates spinning, though perhaps I should put them down for the moment. I just don't know how.
I've started listening to my body, which has been telling me for some time, "Stop eating, you're not hungry." The last couple of days has been a bit more extreme than usual, and I find I've dropped two or three pounds the last few days. Ha. How amusing.
It's hard to see right now that even if the worst that could happen happens, I won't actually die, nor will I have to completely close up my business and take a wretched desk job somewhere. I'm just very independent, and someone's threatened that. I take it to heart, and I take it hard. I've fought and worked so hard for what I have, and to get where I am, and it galls me to have thrown in my face that I'm not completely in control of some elements of my life. It's absolutely true that at times like these, I tend to cling more closely to my writing, as that's a universe I can wholly control, and indeed, I've gotten four pages done the last few days. For me, right now, that's a lot, as it's also sadly true that I often find it harder to write when I'm stressed.
At any rate.
Everything will be okay, somehow. I won't die. I won't give up. I may have to deal with a big change of plans. And I know I'll have to deal with having people say nasty things about me behind my back, which sadly, I guess, is a concept I've gotten used to the last few years. But that hasn't killed me yet, either.
Onward, if not upwards, right?
This week? Not so much.
I have a situation with my booth, and I'm feeling threatened and cornered. I feel like...well, I suppose I feel like anyone would when they own the wood and the bolts and the nails, but not the land they sit on. I don't often feel like a woman in a man's world, but I do now. I've also tried to keep some other plates spinning, though perhaps I should put them down for the moment. I just don't know how.
I've started listening to my body, which has been telling me for some time, "Stop eating, you're not hungry." The last couple of days has been a bit more extreme than usual, and I find I've dropped two or three pounds the last few days. Ha. How amusing.
It's hard to see right now that even if the worst that could happen happens, I won't actually die, nor will I have to completely close up my business and take a wretched desk job somewhere. I'm just very independent, and someone's threatened that. I take it to heart, and I take it hard. I've fought and worked so hard for what I have, and to get where I am, and it galls me to have thrown in my face that I'm not completely in control of some elements of my life. It's absolutely true that at times like these, I tend to cling more closely to my writing, as that's a universe I can wholly control, and indeed, I've gotten four pages done the last few days. For me, right now, that's a lot, as it's also sadly true that I often find it harder to write when I'm stressed.
At any rate.
Everything will be okay, somehow. I won't die. I won't give up. I may have to deal with a big change of plans. And I know I'll have to deal with having people say nasty things about me behind my back, which sadly, I guess, is a concept I've gotten used to the last few years. But that hasn't killed me yet, either.
Onward, if not upwards, right?