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Mar. 23rd, 2009
Completely freaked out.
Mar. 23rd, 2009 02:38 amOn the phone with a friend when she drove past-- and nearly hit-- a corpse in the road.
Yes, she called the police, and they were already on the way.
Up until about two minutes ago, I thought I was pretty much fine. Now I find I'm beginning to flip. For those of you just joining us, I have unbelievable issues with death. No, I don't know where they came from-- not entirely. Yes, it's something I've been working on. But right now? Not so much.
My friend is fine-- somewhat more sanguine than I, thankfully. Though we agreed it might be a night to watch all those missed Dollhouse episodes before trying to sleep. But I have no husband, no boyfriend, no one but the cats and the dog here. I'm trying not to have a full-blown freak-out. I'm trying not to think about this at all. I don't want to dream about it. But I'm tired, and I have to be up early to get Ryan. I'm trying not to be a melodrama whore, and I'm also trying to be okay with the fact that I'm not okay. That was a human. That was a man. And now he's just road debris and police cars and a tow truck and diverted traffic.
This? This is why, when I read the news, I stick to political stories and science and human interest. This is why I try not to read the graphic details of the bombings in Israel. Oh, and when following a link from my site stats page? Somehow I wound up on the site for an indie film about a Muslim girl and a Jewish boy who fall in love in Israel. And one of the clips was the immediate aftermath of a car bomb going off-- with body parts. And blood. And screaming and death and blood and burned skin and blood. And on top of it, the main page for the site had an audio clip of an actor talking about how people used to say to him, "You Jew. You fucking Jew." Over and over, with no way to turn the audio off, until I screamed and shut down the browser. The dog came and curled right up beside me with her head on my stomach.
Blood and death and violence and death. How am I going to sleep?
Yes, she called the police, and they were already on the way.
Up until about two minutes ago, I thought I was pretty much fine. Now I find I'm beginning to flip. For those of you just joining us, I have unbelievable issues with death. No, I don't know where they came from-- not entirely. Yes, it's something I've been working on. But right now? Not so much.
My friend is fine-- somewhat more sanguine than I, thankfully. Though we agreed it might be a night to watch all those missed Dollhouse episodes before trying to sleep. But I have no husband, no boyfriend, no one but the cats and the dog here. I'm trying not to have a full-blown freak-out. I'm trying not to think about this at all. I don't want to dream about it. But I'm tired, and I have to be up early to get Ryan. I'm trying not to be a melodrama whore, and I'm also trying to be okay with the fact that I'm not okay. That was a human. That was a man. And now he's just road debris and police cars and a tow truck and diverted traffic.
This? This is why, when I read the news, I stick to political stories and science and human interest. This is why I try not to read the graphic details of the bombings in Israel. Oh, and when following a link from my site stats page? Somehow I wound up on the site for an indie film about a Muslim girl and a Jewish boy who fall in love in Israel. And one of the clips was the immediate aftermath of a car bomb going off-- with body parts. And blood. And screaming and death and blood and burned skin and blood. And on top of it, the main page for the site had an audio clip of an actor talking about how people used to say to him, "You Jew. You fucking Jew." Over and over, with no way to turn the audio off, until I screamed and shut down the browser. The dog came and curled right up beside me with her head on my stomach.
Blood and death and violence and death. How am I going to sleep?
There are some days....
Mar. 23rd, 2009 04:35 pmIf one more person invents some ridiculous drama and heaves it at me today, I think I'll go postal. There are more than enough real, monumental things going on right now. I don't need anyone's crap.